


The Other Side of Patience

by TSerpillum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Frustration, Implied Sexual Content, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 10:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19462159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSerpillum/pseuds/TSerpillum
Summary: Once more cryptic words, all too vague to assign them any meaning. They might be a line from a song he hums along to the sound of his guitar, or a truth he has yet to confess to somebody. Perhaps neither. Her interpretation might be as misleading as all her expectations for today, inspired by the softness of his gaze whenever he looks at her, a light wondrous smile upon his lips, and the words that slip when he…Nanaba groans in frustration.  It makes no sense to warm her heart on empty words and leave it hungry in the absence of deeds giving them meaning.





	The Other Side of Patience

The summer heat wears off this late at night with the balcony door and window open.

Caressed by the chill, goosebumps arise on her opened thighs, cooling down the culminated hotness. It takes her a few breaths to steady the rhythm of exhales and inhales, calming the lace slipped beneath her right breast. The hem of the nightgown is near too, right above her hip bone. It blends well with her sheets, so in knots and twisted as it is, she thinks in a moment of silent clarity, usual in the subside of endorphins. It leaves her stranded in on her empty bed, slightly cold, quite frustrated.

The tissues wait patiently on her nightstand before being discarded somewhere on the floor. Nanaba adjusts her underwear and nightgown with a sigh, then rolls over to hide under her quilt. It’s light on her form, barely leaning against her skin.

Even if it wanted to, it could offer no comfort.

Some headlights peek into her room for a split second, then disappear down the streets. Darkness returns faster than it went away.

_I’m thinking about how nice it would be to light this room with someone’s presence._

Once more cryptic words, all too vague to assign them any meaning. They might be a line from a song he hums along to the sound of his guitar, or a truth he has yet to confess to somebody. Perhaps neither. Her interpretation might be as misleading as all her expectations for today, inspired by the softness of his gaze whenever he looks at her, a light wondrous smile upon his lips, and the words that slip when he…

Nanaba groans in frustration. It makes no sense to warm her heart on empty words and leave it hungry in the absence of deeds giving them meaning. She’s long grown past her teenage years when such behaviour was halfway acceptable. She can no longer spend the entire day listening to the recorded song of his and dream away. The deep timbre of his voice, a source of peace for so long, is what she wants to have here, right now, to disrupt it’s harmony after he whispered in her ear everything the two of them ignore.

It’s wondrous how Mike can manoeuvre around the big elephant standing in the room as if it was as tiny as a mosquito. Their mouths busy themselves in some nonsense. He leads, she plays along, pretending not to sideeye the elephant everytime their gazes last longer than usual, sometimes even nearly bumping into it. Now she understands Petra’s struggle to adjust to Levi.

_An 8 years age gap doesn’t sound as much, but trust me, growing to understand Levi was like studying nuclear physics. So brace yourself._

But they worked out despite the odds, all thanks to Petra’s openness and understanding, traits Nanaba possesses too, yet it’s anxiety that makes the major difference. All the _what if’s_ and worst case scenarios dance in a circle around her, robbing her off of her focus and calm. It’s a total of 10 years between them and it shows. Mike knows exactly what he’s doing, and Nanaba trots along like a starry eyed child, secretly sulking whenever she doesn’t get a candy she expected. All too naïve, all too honest.

It’s cost her a lot once already. If it happened for a second time, then the fault is on her.

It’s not like she never looked for signs of danger on his face. She has followed the lines around his eyes and on his forehead, their wrinkling and smoothing out, the way his bangs fell over his brows and lashes, and how he bares his teeth when he smiles. The suspicion of silver along his temples and jaw turned out to be true, only emphasizing the appearance of a ripe man, well in his mid-thirties, who knows exactly what he does. And there are the rare moments when he lets the little boy peek through, playful and bright, rendering her defenceless. Such a person couldn’t mean any harm.

If only that could soothe her overworking mind.

It’s not only her appearance that gives her away, making her feel shy when they meet his acquaintances by chance. It’s the difficulties in communication, the understanding that needs improvement, and the possibility of him soon growing tired of all of it.

Perhaps that’s why he’s only hugged her before they parted, without any attempt to take it one step further, although he’s heavily implied it in their messages. That’s something Nanaba’s actually believed to have interpreted right and still, nothing happened. It’s both good and frustrating at the same time.

Fiercely she kicks back the blanket.

_Falling in love is a good feeling. But staying in love is even better. And that takes time._

Fetching her crisis equipment from the bottom drawer, Nanaba leans on her balcony’s doorframe nearly nude, but careless. No one’s there to drink her up with eyes only, roam around the exposed skin with appetite and spark her shyness. Looking down on her silken nightgown and the delicate lace on the hems, she can’t help but sigh over the failed investment. It wasn’t the first in her life and surely not her last. And it’s not as harmful as the cigarette she lights after a moment of contemplation. Fuck it. Her patience is long gone and so can be her abstinence too.

Greedily she inhales the smoke, allows it to fill her lungs, yet the delight doesn’t come. The taste is unpleasant; it sinks down to her gut leaving a bitterness she can’t swallow down. Her exhale is slow, surrendering in defeat above the empty streets of her hometown, a place she’s learnt to love ever since she caught feelings for Mike.

A love to commit to entirely. That’s reason enough to stay.

A stray dog barks somewhere in the distance, interrupting the nightly silence with a sad voice. Nanaba looks at the half burnt cigarette between her fingers, all appetite already lost. Smoke rises from the glimmering end, all wasted in the chill air.

With a bitter sigh, she returns it to her lips, refusing to leave a job halfway done.

Instead of learning how to walk alone on her own two feet, she’ll continue what is started and trot along even if the candy never comes.

That’s what stray dogs do, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> [Fic tag on tumblr](https://tserpillum.tumblr.com/search/serpillum+writes)


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